When I was a child of about eight years old, my best friend and I often played “Detective” together. I’m not sure what the appeal was for him (probably pretending to carry a gun), but for me it was intellectual. It was the cold logic of it, solving the crime and defeating the bad guy by being more clever then they were. I loved Sherlock Holmes, but even better was Encyclopedia Brown, the teen detective of childrens’ literature who solved crimes and foiled evil-doers by being smart and observant. In each chapter, there were clues to what Encyclopedia had seen, and you had to figure out which one enabled him to solve the crime. I didn’t get them all correct, but I got enough of them to know that I was a pretty good detective.
In fact, my friend and I were so sure we would be great detectives that we decided to go into business for ourselves. We made up a hand-written sign for the “J & R Detective Agency” with my home telephone number on it, walked down to the local supermarket, and posted our sign on the supermarket bulletin board. We were so pleased with ourselves! This, we agreed, was going to be great. We walked home, excitedly imagining the kinds of cases that we would be called on to solve.
The next day, the call came. I had half-forgotten that we put up a sign at the supermarket, and in any case, we were kids. Who ever noticed any of the stuff that kids did? Well, apparently somebody noticed, because when I answered the phone, a female voice at the other end asked, “Is this the J & R Detective Agency?” I was floored – somebody had actually called! I was speechless, and more importantly, I was horrified. What was I going to do now? This was an event that I was clearly not prepared for. I mumbled something like, “He’s not here right now”, and hung up quickly.
I felt like a complete and utter fraud and failure. I was a fraud because I knew in my heart that I wasn’t any kind of detective and I was a failure because I wasn’t brave enough to carry through with what we had done. For the next few days, I flinched every time the telephone rang, fearful that it might be another call for J & R. Thankfully, no other call ever came. Not surprisingly, my friend, when I told him about it, was annoyed with my cowardice. He was excited about the call and thought we should have taken the case. I was less convinced. If he was so brave, why hadn’t he volunteered to put his telephone number on the ad?
So what has this got to do with Limulus Systems? Plenty, for me. It’s easy to forget that there’s an emotional side to starting a new business. There’s a lot of emphasis on the strategy and how-to of starting a new business, but the emotional side gets less attention. Every now and then, when I’m about to email a contact or talk to a potential partner, that same feeling of being a fraud pops up for me. I’ve never started a company before; I don’t really know what I’m doing. Surely these people will see through me? Some way, some time, the telephone call will come and expose me for being the fearful fraud that I am. The jig will be up.
I have to make myself remember I’m not that child any more. I’m an adult with the power and the knowledge to make true things that I want. I have the confidence to believe that I can change the world, perhaps in small ways, but change it nonetheless. I don’t know everything, but what I don’t know, I can learn. Still, the nagging voice of fraud remains and while it’s not the sum total of me, it’s a part of me that I have to overcome, because if I don’t, I will surely fail. I wonder what Encyclopedia Brown would do in a situation like this?
I TOTALLY remember Encyclopedia Brown books! However, if I recall correctly, I wasn't above cheating and going to the back of the book before the end. An odd thing cheating at something like that….I also used to cheat at solitaire. That's probaby why I chose a life in Sales
In my capacity as a sales person for 25+ years, I have had the opportunity to speak with numerous business owners, small and large businesses. I used to be amazed at how inept some of them seemed to be. Really? You actually run a business? You don't seem to grasp the most basic concepts of supply and demand, you can't put together a coherent sentence, you annoy and frustrate everyojne in your wake, etc. Don't get me wrong, I come across some pretty savvy folks too, I'm just no longer so surprised at the seeming lack of business acumen I encounter.
At the end of the day, the people that own/run their own businesses are people that took the chance. That is generally the single differentiator. And they say that behind any successful business owner is a person that has a number of failed attempts in their wake. But I suppose that isn't too comforting……..
Got to be in it to win it!
No, it’s very true that successful business people have failures in their background. Company founders tend to be overall a very optimistic lot, perhaps too optimistic. They may not be the best ones to see the problems with their ideas. I expect I will fail in small ways, here and there, and I have to get used to that. As all the books say, failure is a chance to learn and do better. What I really don’t want is to fail in the big picture on this project, but I don’t think that will happen unless I give up. But maybe that’s me being overly optimistic again?
It's sounds as though you have a slight case of Impostor Syndrome: I'm familiar with the condition. Fortunately, the Impostor takes frequent vacations, so you can get much done in his absence!
Yes, that’s a good description for it. I think a lot of capable people feel that way at times, especially in new situations. They just never admit to it because they’re afraid that it would look bad. Being capable doesn’t necessarily mean that you feel confident every minute, it means that you can overcome feeling inadequate.
Do you think you could write any Encyclopedia Brown stories? If so you might have a future in the gaming and smartphone market. I have written an interchangeable environment which is meant for story telling adventures.
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I probably could write Encyclopedia Brown stories, I can be pretty creative, but I\’m afraid it would take me away from my main goal of getting my own app out, so I think I will say no thank you.
C'mon, don't loose heart now! I've seen you take risks before. Why did you do it then and not now? You can do this.
No, don’t worry, I’m still moving forward – in fact, I feel more capable and energetic than ever, but I do have this emotional memory in my head. It won’t stop me, be sure of that!